HALLELUJAH TRAINING CAMP IS FINALLY OVER. I’m gonna be honest I have no idea how we got here but apparently I’m fully trained and ready to be thrown out into global outreach ministry. I still occasionally feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. At least now I have a notebook full of pretty notes to look back at as evidence that I did in fact learn things to prepare me for the for the field. Also, I have the most qualified ministry buddy to help me along the way (if you didn’t guess it already, it’s Jesus, duh).
The last blog I wrote was a cute little update that barley touched on the things that happened during training camp. Well guess what… ware going all in today boys. Disclaimer: I am currently on a 12 hour drive down to Florida and besides my boredom I felt the need to actually try and process what the heck happened over the last month. Ok, this is your last chance to back out if you are having regrets about reading this... alright it’s too late now. Buckle up lady’s and gents.

Never in my 18 years of life have I lived a longer week than the first week of training camp. NEVER. Ask anyone, it seemed to be a mutual experience. It was most peoples first time eating, sleeping, showering, doing laundry, using the bathroom, and literally LIVING outside. Trying to instantly become one with nature hit us like a bus. Every thing on my body ached and longed for the days when I used to have the luxury of air conditioning, tap water, and flushing toilets. Most of us came to camp mutually clueless and desperate to make friendships which probably helped us in the end. Week one was definitely not lacking in “get to know you games” and honestly I think the deepest relationships were formed over trauma bonding from overflowing porta potties. I have never been more uncomfortable both physically and mentally. However, through stepping out of my comfort zone I put my trust and weight in God. He did not disappoint.

The very first week I struggled with a lot of doubt. I was receiving a lot of information and experienced a lot of confusion and turmoil when trying to process it all. While in my doubts, I asked God for a sign to know that he was there within the dark chasm I found myself in. I needed something to affirm my faith and give me hope. All week I continued to struggle silently and I prayed for this affirmation to occur. Even at worship night on Friday I felt myself struggling to connect with God and feel him with me. This was extremely difficult because worship is my favorite thing in the whole world and when I feel God’s presence the most. I ended up looking around the circle of people worshipping that night and God highlighted a boy on another squad to me. I tried to continue worshipping but I could not stop thinking about this one boy. Within this confusion I felt a prompting to pray for him. So I did.

I prayed for the next 30 minutes over his life and his trip. I prayed that even though I couldn’t feel the Holy Spirit in that moment, that he would. That he would feel the Holy Spirit so undeniably right then and have no doubts Jesus was Lord. I prayed for God to use him in the supernatural on his trip and that others would know Him through this kid. I prayed that he would shine so bright with the love of Christ that others would just look at his glow and immediately turn to the Lord. I prayed for him until the end of worship and didn’t think much of it as I went to bed that night.

The next day was baptism day. I was relatively unfazed because I had already been baptized and camps I had been to before had done things like this. The speaker that night preached his sermon about salvation. He ends up asking everyone to close their eyes and prompts the people that had never accepted Jesus as Lord of their life to do so. When we opened our eyes he asked the people who just accepted Jesus to come up to the front to be prayed for. Low and behold the boy I was praying for the other day walks up to the front of the stage. Immediately I start to lose it and start absolutely sobbing my eyes out. Although it doesn’t stop there. God has the tendency to absolutely blow our expectations and he didn’t cease to do so at this moment.

Eventually the baptisms start and I get to watch a bunch of people in my squad get baptized. It was so amazing to witness these professions of faith. From a young age baptisms have always had a special place in my heart. I have had the opportunity to watch my friends, as well as many kids I teach in Sunday School proclaim their faith and it is powerful and moving. As more and more people continue to get baptized, I look down the line and there is the boy. If I wasn’t already crying hard enough before then I definitely was now (I’m talking a shaky, red, snot bubble blowing, hot mess).

I got the privilege to watch the person that I prayed for in a time when I was struggling with my own faith, take this next step in his faith. He got baptized and proclaimed that Jesus was Lord of his life. I haven’t cried that long and hard since I watched “Titanic” for the first time. I finally got that affirmation that my faith was longing for. I was so overwhelmed with God’s goodness and faithfulness, it was practically bubbling out of me. It was such a reminder that even in our times of doubt, when we feel like we have hit the bottom and don’t think we have the strength to get back up, he is extending his hand out to us in the darkness.

In our broken.

In our ugly.

In our hurt.

He is there just waiting for you to open your eyes, lock them on him, and say “I need you”. We don’t have to rely on our own strength and he doesn’t expect us to. He wants us to admit we need him, that we can’t do it on our own. That we need our father to come rescue us. He provides strength and refuge when we are weak.

I couldn’t be more grateful to be a daughter of the king.